What with Brexit and all that stuff, I have felt very much bereft of home over the past 2 1/2 years. I came to the UK and made my home here, but I cannot honestly say that the UK feels like home at the moment. Yes, my husband and kid are here. Yes, I have a house. Yes, I am still quite privileged. But home is a feeling that you cannot just so easily conjure, it is something that you feel, something that is linked to feeling save, feeling wanted, a place where you feel that you can contribute and that your contribution is valued and alas, I have not been feeling any of this for quite some time.
In recent months, I have heard from various people that I could go “home”, meaning I could return to Germany (which conjures that feeling of not being welcome mentioned above). It is hurtful to hear this even if it is meant well. Hurtful because for one: I thought I made my home here, but if other people think my home is elsewhere, then how can I feel at home here. And also: I am not so sure, how at home I would now feel in Germany or how at home my husband and daughter would feel.
Germany will always be my “Heimat”, my home country, where I am from, the country of my roots. But the place I think of now when I think of Germany is very much a place of nostalgia, after all, I have not lived there for more than 15 years. Still, there are so many things I still miss about Germany. Too many to list them in just one blog post, but I thought I list a few.
I love sparkling water, but here I hardly every buy it because of the single use plastic bottles. I miss the deposit scheme in Germany, where you buy a crate of drinks and then return it again when empty and get a new crate of drinks. It may be an odd thing to miss, but I just do. When I was little, you even could have the crates delivered. And taken down into the cellar. And then it was usually my job to get the drinks from the cellar, because no one else wanted to go down and get them.
2. Swimming pools
We have pools here in England, sure, but German pools are just nicer, cleaner and more family friendly. Last summer, we spent most days at the local outdoor pool, it has a restaurant, you can hire deckchairs, it is clean and green. We also went to an indoor pool with slides and a spa area, we spent nearly 4 hours there and it cost us half of what a cinema trip for the three of us costs in the UK.
3. The weather
I am from South Germany and it rains there too and we have days where the skies are grey and it’s miserable. Yet, the summers seem to be overall warmer and the winters see some snow each year still. Also, it is less humid overall, which means that my asthma is always better back home.
4. Non-shopping Sundays
I hope this never changes. At times it feels to me all English people ever want to do is go shopping. I love that Sundays are quiet days, family days. And don’t you dare mow your lawn. I never thought, I would miss that, but alas I do.
5. The cities and towns and villages
I miss that it is mostly clean. I miss the bakeries. The small supermarkets. The ice cream parlours. I miss Freiburg. And the mountains. I miss the forests and the fries. I miss a good, German beer and the fact that you can speak your mind. I miss the difference between Du and Sie and that the distinction is between friend and acquaintance. I miss so much and now I am super homesick.