Menopausal Mysteries – Humpday Musings

Considering that approx. half the world are women, it is quite fascinating how little we talk about all the mysteries that concern women and their bodies.

It starts with periods and you think that would be better now than 40 years ago, but sadly it is not. I overheard my daughter and her friend talking about the impending “doom” recently and my daughter’s friend said: “It’s like having a giant wound inside you.” Erm, no. Before I could chip, thankfully my daughter cleared up the matter.

Now, that I am nearing the end of my cycles, I fully admit that I am not going to miss them. I was never one to embrace the monthly bane of my life, for it was marred with too much pain and sickness, so there is a huge part of me that is a bit “good riddance” for the time when I am through this current phase.

I am currently perimenopausal which is the term used for the period that leads up to the menopause, also the period during which you will have most of those symptoms, you know hot flashes, irritability, loss of sleep etc. etc.

What gets me is not so much the fact that there is so much conflicting information about this available, after all just look at the different diets, some praise low fat as the answer, others call it the devil’s invention. No, what gets to me is that women talk so little about it. I mean why aren’t there “Perimenopausal Clubs”, like a bookclub but you can talk to other women about how you feel and feel less alone and less crazy. Even among friends, we barely touch on it. Occasionally, we recommend a supplement or moan about a sleepless night, but we don’t look into the abyss with each other.

I wonder why that is and if it was ever any different. Probably not because most women would have died before they even got too far into their perimenopause let alone get to the menopause.

All the books, I have read either annoy me or confuse me. The annoyance can range from “if you are a spiritual sound person, you will fly through the menopause” to “just deal with it” (but how, how, how?) and the confusion is that one book will claim this diet will heal you, yet another condemns that diet.

I guess the simple reality is that there is no clear answer, no clear path, not one common experience, just loads of experiences that are kinda similar and mostly, us women just find ourselves alone in the wilderness navigating this change. It’s a miracle that most of us come out the other end without having lost our marbles completely. If you can count 1 or 2 people amongst your friends who totally get it, then you are a lucky, lucky individual indeed.

I am sorry if you came to get some insights or answers, there are none here. I am still searching, unravelling the mystery for myself, trying to listen to my body and my mind. Some days, it feels really hard to keep it together, those days are thankfully not all that many at the moment, but they are there and I try to embrace them with as much kindness for myself as I can muster. “Here,” I say, “Melanie, be kind, have a hot bath, a cup of tea, read your book, go for a walk. It’s one of those days, you know them and if you fight them, you only harm yourself.” Some days, I accept those words, others, I will fight it with teeth clenched and fists raised and achieve nothing other than a form of exhaustion that is completely new to me.

The cycles – while they are still here – are hell. There is no other word for it. This time was never easy for me right from the beginning, but now, I am mostly just in a heap somewhere, a little bundle of misery and pain.

So no insights. No words of wisdom of what you can do. Just me, waving my hands, saying: “I get it, I got it, me too, it sucks, it will pass and here is a piece of chocolate.”

Happy Humpday

Author: Melanie

I read, I eat (and cook) and I like to go places.

2 thoughts on “Menopausal Mysteries – Humpday Musings”

  1. I’m in the menopause for almost 4 years and I cannot tell you, how many stuff I read: books, online articles, blogs and such. I talked to everybody who wanted to listen and to my doctor as well….and I can say that there is no help at all. No diet, no herbal remedy, no wonderous drug that helps you…. IF… you want to avoid hormones. NOTHING (and believe me, I tried a lot of different stuff). Since I wasn’t willing to take hormones I tried to do things that at least make it easier for me. I excersise a lot, at least two times a week as well as my excersises I need to do at home for my spine problems. Added to that I swim in the winter time and from spring to late autumn I LOVE to cycle. I am outside as often as time and weather allows. I work in a surgery and I hate hot flushes while working with patients. I always have a small, tiny fan at my work space, which has an USB connection (?) and I turn it on as soon as the heat hits. I also always have a japanese style fan on me when I’m out and about. All my bed sheets are made from cool materials. The crux is, even if you sweat like crazy, as soon as the hot flush is gone, you going to freeze 🤣. Mood swings are very hard to take. I try to distract myself as good as possible…being outside helps, being with friends, familiy or at work is great. Normally I am a creative person, I love to draw, potter, I like crocheting and gardening. Apart from gardening (being outside even when it’s cold and raining) and reading I cannot distract myself with other creative stuff. Fortunatly I sleep well, I have hot flushes at night too but I can fall alseep again. There are nights when I think to much, the thoughts go round and round in your head, but that’s something I had before the menopause as well. Listing to audio books helps (if they aren’t overly exciting…usually it’s a cosy crime).
    Love Dagmar (Cunitia)


    1. Hi Dagmar, thanks for sharing this. I think that’s what it is: Nothing helps other than time. It does feel at times, the true long decline…. Here is to Egyptian Cotton and Japanese Handfans.


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